The sickness

There is so much to say and to thank God for, He has been incredible in the midst of the hardest and darkest trials of my life. I really want to write out my story from beginning to end, and in that bring glory to God... because honestly He is SO good!

Thank you Allah

I was up and it was 9:00 PM and I was just unable to rest. I know you are able to move in a powerful way- but do you even want to? My faith is so weak and I feel I do not deserve anything. I long to grow and be the man you desire me to be- but I feel there so much I don't understand.

Well,I faced a really terrible sickness just now. I was gagging 'cause of my dinner. Maybela,the meals were not chewed properly then accumulated in my throat-so bad to explain how. So just when I think I have passed through the tough stuff- I find out I still have to do something. It was badly painful. I have never 'tercekik' before this!

It was very uncomfortable- but ultimately it's showing me how to draw and feed off God and learning to get what I need from Him instead of off of those I love. That moment baru nak ingat Tuhan. Haih.. Well,the thing that I wish to highlight is just be a man or lady that always keeps their heart towards Allah. Haha. Bala can be sent everytime jer taw. And no wonder,aku kena tonight. Thankful lah still alive and able untuk mengunyah lagi. So totally freaking bad la my face tadi.

Arghhhhhhhhh

I didn't know actually what to do bila 'tercekik' nie. My mum asked me to puke. Haha. Sounds weird right? But,that is the fact. I have to dispose my accumulated-meals out of my throat either by hook or by crook. Then,'everything' was fully removed la sket rather than stucked in my cute throat.

Anyway,every single thing was just fine after the removing out my 'tercekik-meals'. Looks funny right? But,it was so fucking painful. So far the experience has been really bittersweet. I feel at such conflict within myself, like I am fighting against my wants and surrendering to yours. I need to collect what strength I have to wait on you and allow YOUR plan to unfold in my life... who knew it would be SO hard. U know what?! 'cause of this case pown makes me feeling so ashamed with my life. Dengan makanan pown jadi penyakit,instant plak tue.

It was a very exciting yet scary thing- but it's been neat to be shown a specific purpose for every miscarriage and loss I have experienced. It's crazy to think that my life is better than it has ever been in many ways- I have never been closer with my mom, I have found new motivation to do things that I never able to do before, my relationship with God keeps growing and I am learning to hear from him more, I have never been more in love with myself. But yet in the midst of all this there is still something missing. Cewaah. 

Anyway,conclusionnyer makan kena totally be careful and bersopan-santun macam kartun! Haha. Catch ya later. I love you,HaNi. Thanks for the care when I felt the pain.

Thanks for the care,mom and you,HaNi.

Let It Be Heard

Dengar

Oh! Jeritan batinku

Memekik-mekik

Memanggil-manggil

Namamu selalu!

Yell my name out if you want me!

When I was 13,I was offered to further my study in Saina. Well,nevermind it was just the beginning of my freaking experience of having some bullshit days.

It was then in 2009 when I was in Form 2. I had a good starter of the early year,but then one by one bad things happened to me.

I just didn't know whether this was just a dream or what. I faced the music as well as I did wrong to myself. Before that,I had ever fell in love with someone. It was just my heart,literally it wasn't! Well,biasalah pemikiran pramatang,always been seduced by the environment.

One day,I had a phone call with my mom. She then told me 'bout someone whom will continue her study here,with me as well. I was over the moon,it was once in a blue moon to see the one who I adored being transfered here. Nice. Haha.

She didn't know 'bout me,the way I adore her. Then,everything went smoothly. But,hari tak selalunya indah. I found that she had an affair with one of my trusted friends. Goodbye to you,my trusted friend. To be thought again,it was my fault too. To let my feelings being kept silently in the middle of the heart. So,heartless then. I was dissappointed,and that's why I love the way you lied,dude!

Haih..I just could see her from far away. Feeling ashamed to be by her side,eventhough as a friend. Actually,that wasn't the reason. I felt shy 'cause of my failure to get what I've been demanding for. I was useless,laying undead thinking of 'em. Haha. Bodoh!

Haih..

And yeah,everything went back to normal. I pray for her,days and nights even my soul kept on crying badly. No tears to show,only the painful days as my companion. She's a nice girl actually,and I always believe that. Almost all of my friends knew 'bout what I was facing,it hurted!

Sooner or later,I'd know it was only just a dream. To hold your hands,haih.. merepek jer semua tue. I was trying to be by her side knowing that she had a terrible fight with her boyfie. She treated me as  a brother,but I couldn't force myself to confront you. She was weird,but she just didn't care of my ignorance. Sometimes,I can't understand why do I keep loving you? 

Everybody knows what's love,but they don't know how to feel it. I'm not a good Romeo,and though not a good man. Is it? Haha. 2009 has teached me on how to face the sickness of being left abandoned in the middle of sadness. Well,I hope it was then good in 2010. But,it still remained the same. Maybelah,in the ending of school things were look good. It was then forgotten. Keemi,Keemi!

Nevermind,it was just a little bit part of my past history. I'm gonna forget,but keep it sweetly in my heart. Slowly,it'll teach me on how to be much better handling myself!

Luckily,I have a bunch of shit friends yang alright! Haha. Everything has been settled down. Even my thoughts are full with something new instead. And I have HaNi by my side,I love you lah. Ngee~ And you know,maybe someday in future I wanna propose HaNi to be my soulmate-.-

Haha,before tue kena belajar rajin-rajin lah. No woman,no cry! No yourself,I'd die! Ngee~ PMR kena straight A's lah!

Well I promise to myself If I'd be given a chance to be by her side,I won't let it be useless.! Bear it in your mind.

And you the one who I adored,haha,be happy lah. You muda lagi,keep everything good!

Don't trust the person who has broken faith once. 

William Shakespeare

Hot Gossip

Aku cuma nak bagitau!
( Siri 1 )

Despair -.-

Rindu dan cinta adalah anugerah tuhan yang mampu mencairkan secebis ego lelaki menjadi selautan air mata.

Alahai

Do you hear me?
I'm talking to you
Across the water
Across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky
Oh my, baby I'm trying !

Bojour,bojour!

How's your nanny? Sihat? What? Heart attack? So? You care?

Haha,nevermind la whatever it is!


Well,I've been thinking lately. Everything is just 'bout my current situation. Am i doing the right thing for my life? Nevermind,I'm just confused with the way I treat people. Sometimes,I'd prefer to ignore 'em as well. And as a result,they think of me,I mean they thought that I'm forgetting 'em.

Once extinguished,never see you again.

Laaah,it's not a big deal lah. Though,I am wondering! Ignorance doesn't mean that we don't be honest with 'em! does it? Well,I guess it has nothing on what they talk 'bout me.


It's a beautiful lie. And it's not perfect tonight,unless they know who I am. It's time to forget about the past,to wash away what happened last. Please! Hide behind an empty face. Don't ask too much,just say 'cause this life is just a game.




This is life. It's a test,it's a game. Did you pass? Play again,in the hope that you see where you've been. 

Tonight, it's a revolution.

Tonight, we're going to war.
Tonight, you better make a decision.
I'm not a patriot,I'm not illegal,I'm not a fugitive,I'm  Malaysian.

I think you need some education.
I think you need some thought control.
Tonight, there is a situation.
Tonight, it's the end of the world.
Tonight, we'll take control of the nation.
Tonight, we take control of the world.

I

 

Love

You

Anyway,tiada yang sempurna kt dunia nie. Maybe kita  rasa A,and maybe jawapannya B. It could be anything right? So,please just follow the flow. I'm by yourside,cewaah. 

MBM

study is the best thing for me but not always. sometimes i feel bored and tension too. but now i feel like i wanna stdy like before when i was in school. study like hell, finishing my homeworks that were too lot, too hard to solve, too bored to think for the answer. now i feel like i wanna further my study as soon as possible. i want to finish my stdy soon, i wanna work, buy my Porsche by my own, be a millionaire and then get married. the END.

To be shared with my future wife! Haha.

Tired,tired and tired.

Will you marry me? Haha. Can't wait lah.

My cash is my tissue. My tissue is for my ass! Haha.

ps://whatever it is i wanna be the successful person in this world. :).

8A'S in PMR 2010 please!!!!

Oh my darling~

I hate when i saw u. I can't stand myself to not eat u. Oh burger, why u always take my attention. I cant eat u everyday cos u contain lot of cholesterol. I dont wanna be fat man. I wanna maintain my body. I feel comfortable have a body like now. I dont really care what people wanna say about me cos I know I never bother them. never ask them for their money or wtv. I often eat two burgers at one time. sumtimes, up to three. oh, so delicious babe. and my mom said ' u look like burger now'. Oh no! This mean i'm gain weight! I'm fat. no no no. I dont want! people, do i fat?

My girlfriend when I'm off for a date! Is it? Haha.

That's me!

 Anyway,wheter I'm slim,handsome or what just let me be. Haha.

2010

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Hey! Hello gedik lads and gents. Anda semua sihat? Apa? Tidak sihat? So? Who cares? You are infront of your wood PC, online, facebooking and streaming Maria Ozawa latest vids then you are sihat enough to read my blog.

Anyway,I got a hot,slutty story to tell you all guys! Something 'bout my 2010 class,I mean gedik-class. Haha.

My class contents with 15 cute,horny boys and 15 pretty,chubby girls. They're all lah yang membangunkan nama Proactive in form 3 eventhough the class is always messy with dead hookers and damn rubbish. Never do your duty lah tue.

This class was told to be occupied by the Top30 students! Woahh,a nice theory that full of lies! Ahaks. Semuanya pandai dalam bidang masing-masing. Flirting,kissing,peeping and freaking nice in sleeping. Hyphotesis accepted! Ngee~

3P,stood steadily. Haha,steadylah sngt. Well,I guess nie lah class yang paling havoc dalam evolution. Is it? Sure!


Well,nevermind. This class is led by a lady! Haha. The single one plak tue. Teacher Mazla,our beloved science teacher. She's not my cup of tea. Why? Haha. Ask me privately taw-.- 

Attention,attention! My class monitor nie plak someone yang agak talkative. Hey bitch,I miss you just a few minutes in this holiday taw! Haha. Anyway,he is a tremendous leader la kowt. Credit to you =)

Helios of mine.

Well,aku ada girlish-classmates seramai 15! Ada orang kata dalam class nie ada Mak Nyah ninggal so that's why lah girls dalam kelas nie agak awfully act! Haha. Eventhough korang semua agak kurang baek ngan boys nie,kitorang still sunyi kalau korang tak datang class. Is it? Huh? No comment. From scale 1 to 10,I just give 11. Fair and square. No deal,no denial! So,this is the list lah.

• Zatie
• Waween
• Botet
• Alia
• Anna
• Nab TJ
• Anum
• Syazmira
• Nadiah
• Amierah
• G-Ah
• Ram

and so on. ( lupa,arghh! )

Auntie mamak!

Good newscaster-to-be!

Again and again.

 Tak kisahlah,then kita lupa kejap pasal tue. Nak jugak story pasal gentlemen dalam 3 P nie. Everybody is just nice,I mean fuckin' good lah. Plus,before this I had never been so close with 'em. Yer lah,semua datang dari ceruk laen-laen. Streaming punya pasal!

Tapi,tue bukan halangan nak gempakkan 3 P nie. Semuanya dengan agenda masing-masing. Ader yang kuat tidow,and ada yang kuat meniru. Asal copy terus paste. Memang no denial lah korang tebaek dari ladang. Even cicak pown tak berani nak bersarang!

Thanks to me taw!

Mat -mat kepoh jalanan. I miss you all lah-.-

Mothertounge. Haha!

Laah,ko lagi-.-

ehhh,ngko lagi. Haih-.-

Prep malam 5 minutes,then party!

Haha. Thinking of you lah bdk Jitra!

Angkatan mat mat shempoi-.-Gediks ones.

Me? Haha.

Once upon a time,wajah kanak-kanak

Nie time Jamuan Batch.. Me,Faris,Danial and Fahim-.-

Water-drunk!

Bebudak rumah Cengal. ( Merah )

nama-nama katanya ikut I/C-.-

• Keemi
• Che Up
• Chorp
• Ismet
• Poggy
• Aeman
• O'e
• Zaid
• Danial
• Majdi
• Amir

and so on lah

Anyway,everything  tak akan sempurna tanpa korng. Mr. A,aku rindu lah pembentangan projek kita. Haha.

Tapi kan,dorang nie baek+underdog+nerd! Haha. Ntahlah,somehow best buat-buat study ngn korang sumua!

Party like a rockstar k x)


So,everything aku just harap the memories were left in our mind secretly. Sooner or later,kita maybe berjumpa but in different classes. Anyway,I love you all. Thanks for the smiles and the tears!
8 A's with you all lah~